In Search of the Eternal Buzz

​I am exhausted. So tired of my life always returning to these feelings.
The feelings of complete and utter emptiness.
Crying, yearning for something, that familiar someone, that essence that I recognize.
That pit in the bottom of the stomach, that hopelessness, that feeling of helplessness.
Same spot, same demonic thoughts.
Distant memories that eventually fade.
Faded memories turned into false truths to shield the heart and cover the wounds.
Realizing that I have failed me and lost you.
Sadness deepens with every old thought. Driving the mind to sickness with "what if..." and "if only...".
Memories flood in of the times we fought.
​This is the unfiltered, uncut, honest truth.
​That happiness, that utopia, that euphoria that we sometimes sense in the night,
​That inner voice, that knowledge that to be dead is to be alive.
​Those who have heard this truth whispered, those who hear the mutters, and see the signs-
know that nothing is as it seems.
​We all seek the eternal buzz but have not yet figured out how to grasp it and hold on.​